kiss it better

It is 1 a.m. Perhaps I should be sleeping. Since I do indeed work early in the morning. but here I am... awake. and blogging. I have a lot on my mind. It's irritating me and unnerving me to my core. and the annoying part? I don't even understand why. so here I go, unleashing my words. 

note: I may ramble. 

and here is where I almost rambled. throwing a little pity me party. but obviously that is not happening. I wrote it out. It felt great to get it out there. and one minute away from pushing the publish post button... I rather, deleted it. I am not that girl. 

So instead of a post listing my flaws, concerns and current points of heart break... I am going to instead list 5 things I like... no, scratch that... 5 things I love about myself. Reverse psychology? 

1. I'm genuinely concerned about others. my soft spot is not all talk, it is very real and evident to my heart. 

2. I have a very strong sense of self motivation. some people call this stubborn. and it can be. but mostly it is just serious determination. I see what I desire, need and crave and I don't stop until I have met it. I guess I get that from my dad. 

3. I get along awesome with little kids. I love them and they always seem to love me back. Many of times I have found a toddler hanging on my leg as I am trying to head out a door. It's usually the ages around 3-8 years though. babies tend to hate me. that's where my sister courtney takes the pie.

4. I have always been a professional at keeping my room neat and tidy. I remember my mom telling me when I was younger that if my room was dirty the Holy Ghost would not dwell in it. I took that to heart very seriously and I always have my mom in the back of my head repeating those words to me whenever I find myself to lazy to hang up my shirt. I am not even sure she knows that? 

5. I am brave. I left my home, my family, my friends, my comfort and moved across the country to a place where I knew no one, had no family and no friends. and everyday that decision made out of desire, wonderment, determination and fear makes me a stronger, happier, smarter and braver woman. and I think that's pretty cool.

Okay. I think I can sleep now... 

good

night 

ps. thank you grandma for your email tonight. it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I need a shirt that says:
my grandma knows best.