I forgot that they forgave

 

my favorite version of my favorite hymn

I was walking along the beach with a few friends one night not long ago. I was pretty down and really just having a hard time with life that particular day (well, days) My friends didn't know anything of it, I was along for a girls night and putting on my smile and trying to have a great time. But really, I was struggling and starting to really loose it, I knew that my strength for the night was coming to an end. Then we walked right next to this scripture written in the sand. Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" Maybe this is selfish of me, I don't know, but in that moment, when the tears filled my eyes, I knew this was for me. The comfort and peace that I so desperately needed that night immediately came. That is a moment I know I will never forget. I am so grateful for small moments like that that remind me that my Heavenly Father  is there, He loves me, He know what I am going through and want I need in every moment. 

You know the story of Jacob and Esau? from the bible? I graduated seminary, I've heard the story a few different times. But I had forgotten how it ended. Tonight I reheard the story with a new perspective.

Here’s how it went down for Jacob and Esau:

Esau was the first-born son, so he got the birthright. After working very hard in the fields, Esau returned home very hungry. Jacob said that he would give Esau a mess of pottage if Esau gave Jacob his birthright. Esau agreed.

Once Esau fully comprehended what he had done, he was furious with Jacob and vowed to kill him. At their mother’s urging, Jacob fled the land and began working with some relatives.

After many years, Esau (and four hundred men) discovers Jacob’s whereabouts. Jacob, likely thinking that this is the end of the road, “bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother” (Genesis 32:3).

What do you think happened next? When I heard this story again tonight, I knew that Jacob didn’t die, so I was thinking that a host of angels appeared and frightened Esau off or something like that. But I was shocked—astounded at what happened next.

“And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept” (Genesis 33:4).

Now, I have a very vague memory of that story. I had almost completely forgotten it. Remembering it, and rereading it, has touched me. It made me think about the people whom I need to forgive, regardless of how they might have deceived me or cheated me. I had forgotten that they forgave. 

Because, in the end, we’re all family, right?

someone else's opinion of you does not have to become your reality // you need to cut out of your life the losers in order to succeed // design to be who you were designed to be

lately, i have been addicted to motivational videos. they are how i get through the day and the best way to kick start the morning! listen to them in the car on the way to work. trust me, do it! also, when you are at the gym or out on a run. AMAZING!

 here are a couple of my favorites. but really, there are so many out there! 

just youtube "motivational videos" you will not be disappointed. 

and in honor of breast cancer awareness month..........

this just in.

well, folks, remember when i spoke about big changes coming in my last post? 
today i posted this on my facebook. 

and there you go.

FAQs: when? that is still TBA.

where? either 1. provo (UVU) 2. SLC or 3) brigham city (USU)

all i know for sure is before summer

sooner rather than later

i have the world's best roommate, friend and supporter 

 and i won't leave her with just anybody

but one thing is for sure, i'll keep you all updated

this decision was not an easy one, but i feel confident in the decision that i have made

i know that i came to NC for a reason, the experiences and growth that i have received here could not have been obtained anywhere else and i am forever grateful! 

wilmington has been home for 3 years and will always have a big place in my heart.

i am excited to be closer to my family, to finish my degree and see what this next chapter of my life has in store for me!

goodbye to the beach.... hello [again] to mountains... and snow. 
oh dear.

blackbird signing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly

Ever have those days where everything seems like a blur and it seems as though all you can do is try to successfully make it to the end of the day where you can finally crawl into bed in one piece, with your integrity still in tact and just pray that tomorrow things will seem more clear? I've had plenty of those days here lately. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard. If you're close to me, you know I've had a really tough last few months full of heart break, disappointment, betrayal and struggle. However, I am a big believer that with every negative comes a positive. Sometimes you have to seek that positive out, but it's there. I've learned a lot the last few months about myself, I've learned about trust and love and what a real friend is. More importantly, I have learned about who I want to be in life and that almost always our Heavenly Father has a plan for us that can sometimes differ from the plan we have for ourselves. I'm [slowly, but surely] learning to have more Faith in my Heavenly Father. Time to make some changes... big, big, big changes. 

Let's end this post with..... 

10.5 things that make me ridiculously happy, happy, happy: 
1. late nights on the couch watching catfish with my fun roommate 
2. walking the loop with nicole x2 -- which is going down later today
3. my thin, red curtains that illuminate my bedroom perfectly early in the morning 
4. that in one month i will finally be [or almost will be] an aunt to baby G (check out my sister and her cute pregnancy here. i am pretty sure she is the cutest pregnant woman to ever walk the earth.)
5. almost one more month until i am utah and california bound! 
6. scrubs..... i recently starting watching it on netflix. no wonder people love this show! though, i must admit, i sometimes sing the song "i don't want no scrub...." while watching. 90s kid problems? i think so.
7. fall weather. i would love it more though if my jeans didn't see their last days a few weeks ago. it's a good thing i love my sweat pants! 
8. nothing like a good pb&j sandwich 
9. a candle lit room
9.5 austin brady jensen 
10. relaxing the evening away after scrubbing down my apartment until it sparkles 

check out my family's adventure through europe here:

lessons learned

lessons learned 

++ people come into our lives at the most perfect of times 

++ hard times reveal true friends

++ heavenly father is in the details of our lives, everything, everything little thing, happens for a reason 

++ never let a target-aholic go to target on a budget, ie: me 

++ peanut butter m&ms are still my favorite candy 

++ running is the best, most overlooked natural antidepressant 

++ i need new running shoes, mine are definitely on their last days 

++ a good laugh and a long sleep can heal just about everything. well, that-- and a cookout reeses milkshake (extra reeses) 

++ don't trust words, trust actions 

++ the best relationships usually happen unexpectedly 

++ the best revenge is living a happy life 

++ duck dynasty is preeeetty darn brilliant, and that's a fact, jack

++ some people lead and some people follow 

++ lets just be real, double stuff oreos are 10x better than regular oreos

++ staying up talking to my favorite person is worth every yawn and every exhausted minute

++ i'm a lucky girl 

love notes

dear rainy monday, 

you were a weird day today

dear oreos, 

you are a lovely addition to roommate night tonight, thanks for joining us.

dear he who will not be named,

you have a lot of growing up to do, pal.

dear weekend, 

you were a great one and i am sad you are over.

grandpa & grandma, 

i need to call yall soon!  love you both!

dear utah, 

i am coming to see you november 7th baby!

dear baby kearns, 

i am crazy excited to be your aunt and to meet you real soon little guy!

dear strep throat, 
i am glad you finally kicked the bucket. 
but could you please take the head cold with you?

dear boy, 

i sure am lucky to have you! 

dear she who will not be named,
you will never ruin me. and i feel bad for you.
theeeee end. 

dear desperate housewives, 

you are my new netflix addiction and i am not ashamed.

i think. 

dear life,

you roughed me up pretty good but you showed me what a real friend is 
and really, thanks for all the lessons learned.
mean it. 

dear cereal, 
i could live off of you. 
and these days, i kinda do! 

 dear little sister mckell,
you mean the world to me, sure love you little buddy. 

dear bedtime,
i'm ready for you.

ciao!